8 Years...
It's been 8 years since I had a relationship, it was a very traumatic experience to me... And it's all my fault..
Maybe that's why it's been 8 years I am single. They say that why can't I have a girlfriend, some of my friends & the one that I currently love so much that I'm easy to fall in love, I'm sweet, nice, thoughtful, caring, had a good sense of humor & easy to fall in love with. I've tried a different approach for this one, I've tried fighting for it this time rather than letting it slip again. Same result, failure. Maybe, that was a mistake on my part, I shouldn't have continued..
When we are having coffee earlier, I've asked her, "What are we?". She can't answer me, & tried to change topic, I've told her that that we need to clarify things between us, & I know that she was uneasy even though she's laughing. So I just ask her questions that I'm scared of answers. Are we more than friends but not lovers? are we so called MU? or I'm just interpreting signals the wrong way? Still, she can't answer me. I told her what she told me before, that she like me as well, Is it a lie?...
Then a word uttered from her.. she told me that she is scared of losing me,,, & started crying.. That was the first time I saw someone crying for me, & I felt that what will come up next will not be good for me..
I insisted to her that I will be fine & just be honest with her feelings towards me. She said to me to stop already, still crying, because she was being unfair to me & to her boyfriend. She said that she was so scared of losing me that's why she didn't stop me from courting her.
I'm an idiot, really I do. Fell in love with someone I thought was single but then to my surprise, she had already a boyfriend. It crushed my world into pieces but being an idiot, I thought courting her will change it but still ends up a loser. I don't want to see her cry because of me, but I'm in so much pain. I've tried to smile it & say I'm still gonna be there so that I couldn't see her cry anymore.
Oh God, Forgive me for all of this, & please help me...
Maybe that's why it's been 8 years I am single. They say that why can't I have a girlfriend, some of my friends & the one that I currently love so much that I'm easy to fall in love, I'm sweet, nice, thoughtful, caring, had a good sense of humor & easy to fall in love with. I've tried a different approach for this one, I've tried fighting for it this time rather than letting it slip again. Same result, failure. Maybe, that was a mistake on my part, I shouldn't have continued..
When we are having coffee earlier, I've asked her, "What are we?". She can't answer me, & tried to change topic, I've told her that that we need to clarify things between us, & I know that she was uneasy even though she's laughing. So I just ask her questions that I'm scared of answers. Are we more than friends but not lovers? are we so called MU? or I'm just interpreting signals the wrong way? Still, she can't answer me. I told her what she told me before, that she like me as well, Is it a lie?...
Then a word uttered from her.. she told me that she is scared of losing me,,, & started crying.. That was the first time I saw someone crying for me, & I felt that what will come up next will not be good for me..
I insisted to her that I will be fine & just be honest with her feelings towards me. She said to me to stop already, still crying, because she was being unfair to me & to her boyfriend. She said that she was so scared of losing me that's why she didn't stop me from courting her.
I'm an idiot, really I do. Fell in love with someone I thought was single but then to my surprise, she had already a boyfriend. It crushed my world into pieces but being an idiot, I thought courting her will change it but still ends up a loser. I don't want to see her cry because of me, but I'm in so much pain. I've tried to smile it & say I'm still gonna be there so that I couldn't see her cry anymore.
Oh God, Forgive me for all of this, & please help me...
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